May 12, 2014

Tony Gloeggler

NUMBER 32

Today I am taking the A Train
away from Duke Ellington’s
Harlem and into East New York,
Brooklyn. This beautiful tall blonde
and I are the only two caucasians
in the crowded car. With each stop,
we move closer, pulled
together by some unnamed force.
We both know not to look
at anyone too long and even
when I make eye contact
with her, I pause for less
than a second before rushing
to read advertisements for laser
surgery. I am not scared,
not worried, just incredibly aware
of how white, like a bleached
sheet drying on a line, I feel.
I want to lean, whisper
in a cool, irresistible way
for her to come to my place
so we can hurry up and start
making some more of us,
when this young, buffed,
light skin, black man, struts
onto the train wearing
a Buffalo Bills number 32
Simpson jersey, and I want
to know what it means
to him and everyone else.
Is it sweep right, OJ gliding
behind Reggie McKenzie,
piling up 2000 yards? OJ
hurtling suitcases in crowded
airports for Hertz, guest
starring on the Love Boat?

This guy in the jersey must
remember that slow motion
car chase interrupting the Knick
playoff game? OJ’s murdered
white ex-wife and the white guy
who drove her home? Johnny
Cocharan? Me, I was working
at the group home, the only
white person on the payroll
with people I still call friends
when the not guilty verdict
was announced. I watched
Jean fall to her knees, thank
Jesus as her arms reached
for the ceiling. Annette twiriled
in a circle clapping so hard
that sparks of sweat shot out.
The two men shook hands.
I wasn’t quite sure why,
but I realized it was a time
when we couldn’t say anything
to each other. I walked outside,
sat on the stoop and waited
for yellow buses to bring
our boys home from school.
Back on the subway, that guy
is talking to the woman, jotting
numbers on a scrap of paper
and she’s smiling, touching
her pretty blonde hair while folding
the paper in her jacket pocket.
Maybe she will call him tomorrow.
They can go for drinks or dinner
or dancing. Maybe they will fall
in love, spend their honeymoon
searching for the real killers.

from Rattle #23, Spring 2005

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April 27, 2014


Tony Gloeggler

GOY

I tell you to let it ring.
You give my lips a quick
kiss, lean over and pick
up the phone. You say
Hello, press your palm
over the mouthpiece, whisper,
It’s my mother. You move
to the edge of the bed, turn
away and sit up, answer,
Yeah.
                    No, no.
                                        Stop
doing this to me, Mom.

I slide across the bed,
kiss soft shoulders, glide
my lips down your spine, fit
my tongue in the crack
of your ass. You look back,
your eyes ask me to please
stop. I shake my head
sideways, smile. Not
a chance. I crawl out
of bed, kneel in front
of you. My lips, tongue
stroke thighs, kiss and lick
you open, move inside you,
try to make you come.
Come, while your mother
swears on the bodies
of her two brothers
gassed at Dachau
that I will slowly
swallow your soul.

from Rattle #10, Winter 1998

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April 20, 2014

Tony Gloeggler

ANYWAY

After we dropped dirt
on my father’s coffin
the long line of cars
drove back to the house.
We stood in circles,
took turns sitting
at the kitchen counter
and ate cold cuts.
My mother introduced me
to all her work friends
as her son, the poet.
One young woman knew
it wasn’t the time or place,
but always wondered why
people wrote poetry. I told her
I hoped to become rich
and famous, fall in and out
of love with multitudes of smart,
beautiful, mixed-up women.
She shook her head, said
maybe I should leave you alone
so you can go somewhere
and write. I didn’t follow
her, didn’t apologize for acting
like an asshole. I walked
upstairs, opened the door
to my old room, looked
for my bed and desk, my stacks
of albums. I wanted to blast
“Darkness on the Edge
of Town,” start writing
in a new notebook. I wanted
my father to pound his fist
on the door, yell turn
that goddamn shit down,
stick his head inside and ask
what are you doing anyway?
I wanted to hand him
my notebook, watch him
sit in his chair, turn on
the lamp and read, slowly,
his forefinger underlining
all the words, his lips
whispering every syllable.

from Rattle #13, Summer 2000

__________

Tony Gloeggler: “I’m not sure I ever wanted to be a writer or poet—in most ways I feel poetry is elitist and no one I grew up with or work with reads it and too often I can’t convince myself that they’re missing something important. I think writing poetry is just another of those things that always makes me feel like I don’t quite fit in. Like when I was a four-year-old and wore this big heavy leg brace and a huge Frankenstein boot on the other or when I was a superstar schoolyard jock with hair down to my ass or when I was a long hair and never touched any drugs or when I’m the only Caucasian in the group home where I work or I’m a poet who perfectly understands why hardly anyone reads poetry or needs to. Still, I write poetry and it matters a lot to me. I write for myself, though I would love to have a lot of people read my work. But mostly I feel at home when I’m writing, like I’m doing one of the things I’m supposed to do and when I get it right, when a poem is done and I can tell it’s good, well, it just lifts me. It makes me fool myself into believing that I was the only one who could do this, make this poem, and it’s one of those times when sticking out or standing out is all good.” (web)

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August 20, 2011

Review by James E. Allman

TONY GLOEGGLER GREATEST HITS 1984 – 2009
by Tony Gloeggler

Pudding House Publishing
81 Shadymere Lane
Columbus, OH 43213
ISBN 1-58998-825-6
2009, 32 pp., $12.00
www.puddinghouse.com

Plain and simple, “1969.” I knew nothing of Tony Gloeggler except that solitary poem, which I first read on Rattle’s blog a few months back. I suppose Greatest Hits was an inevitable first purchase, then; just as knowing nothing of Dave Brubeck when I was 16 obliged me to buy a 2-disc greatest hits of the jazz master. This was before I knew that Darktown Strutter’s Ball was never supposed to follow Take Five, or, even, anything of the magic of the famed Brubeck/Desmond chemistry that I now hold in holy awe. Greatest hits, I believe, are about impatience or ignorance. I don’t mean that in a negative way. I really wanted to buy a Brubeck album that day, thumbing through stacks at the music store but perplexed—Time, Time Out, Time Further Out, Time Way Way Out, Time In, Time Changes—but I left with Dave Brubeck The Legacy Jazz Collection instead, a 28 song compilation of his “mainstays” that can be skipped if you are a longtime collector, but a good introduction, otherwise. Back to Tony Gloeggler Greatest Hits 1984 – 2009.

Back to 1969, which begins the chapbook and my interest in the author—is like a radio single that ends with a quick trip to Tower Records, in that way. Book in hand, I cracked the book open to read a short introduction by the poet, then quickly moved on to the first poem whose title is seemingly as nostalgic as all those radio-hits, albums, compact discs, brick-and-mortar-record-stores and retrospectives I remember. Rife nostalgia is an overall theme of the Greatest Hits series by Pudding House, and this poem—which speaks of Little-League baseball, first kisses & cigarettes, World Series games, Communion and Mustangs—is an appropriate opening. The poem seems, on the surface, to be about loss & death and a family’s grief & coping, though its theme is actually something quite different. In the poet’s introduction to the chapbook, Gloeggler says, “While I have two younger brothers, none of them have died in Viet Nam or anywhere else. Sometimes that fact has surprised, disappointed and pissed people off.” Maybe it doesn’t piss me off because the war in Viet Nam is not a direct memory of mine, as I wasn’t alive during that era. Nevertheless, the indirect memory of it is part of my psyche: 58,272 names carved on polished black granite, flag-draped caskets, Nixon and Johnson speeches replayed on PBS specials, F4 phantoms & Huey helicopters taking off and landing ad infinitum on TV, and Robert Duval proclaiming, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” Rife nostalgia, or not even nostalgia, or nothing but nostalgia—Gloeggler admits it is a fabrication, though brought on by the symbols and liturgies of war that have affected him much as they affect me, as we are all affected by them. The poem shook me the first time I read it; it still shakes me, the way Johnny’s Mustang with his father sitting in it revving the engine shook “every tool hanging in the garage”. A host of car songs comes to mind, including Marc Cohn’s Silver Thunderbird: “Me I wanna go down/ in a silver Thunderbird…”

One thread connecting the poems in this collection is loss. Well, loss and something gristly. Greatest Hits is full of vulgarity and sex and masturbation and one very descriptive account of an abortion that made me cringe, uncomfortably. Despite that, “Scraping” is a good poem, packed with self-doubt, inner turmoil and rage, and, yes, the ability to turn my stomach. Quite good because I get the genuine sense that my discomfort in reading it is Gloeggler’s own—that here
we have honesty that hurts and a subconscious that is haunted. He’s unsettled, but at the time he “was young and dumb/and in love, and would have done anything/for her.” Like the Antlers’ song “Bear”: “We’re too old/We’re not old, old at all…We’ll be blind and dumb until we fall asleep.” Gloegger continues, “She wasn’t ready to be a mother.”

[And] I was happier to stay boyfriend and girlfriend, sit in the waiting room and turn pages in magazines while the doctor sucked
and scraped her insides clean.

The Antlers sing on as if in echo,

We’re not scared of making caves
Or finding food for him to eat
We’re terrified of one another
And terrified of what that means
But we’ll make only quick decisions
And you’ll just keep me in the waiting room.

It would be easy enough to question the morality of it all and the author’s complicity, but he appears, like Duvall’s character in Get Low (is this for real? 2 Duvall references in one article?), to have already passed judgment on himself. He lives with profound guilt for which being “young and dumb” isn’t enough of an excuse. “I want to know what it will take to stop/that god damn shovel from scraping the ground again.” It isn’t the shovel he hears. And there’s all the cynicism to remind him, and us, that there are no simple solutions. What if the lost “daughter or son” had grown up? Would he and the girl have worked harder to stay together, or as likely stayed together and “hurt each other even deeper”? Which takes us back to “Bear”: “When we get home we’re bigger strangers than we’ve ever been before/You sit in front of snowy television, suitcase on the floor.” Gloeggler wrestles candidly, and we shouldn’t intervene to add to or detract from it. We can instead share in the pain of his grief-stricken spirit; we can sing along.

There are a few truly heart felt moments, though no less gritty. Take “The Last Good Thing” or “Goodbye.” These moments are transcendent breaks in a compilation dominated by love defined by first-flushes of passion and sex. Here, Gloeggler is at his best, as he sutures frankness to vulnerability. In “The Last Good Thing” we see a father and son in an intimately sad space. A man once strong and looked upon “like he’s some God”, now needing to be undressed and held in the shower by his son and “soaped under his arms, between/his legs.” The son’s response:

…I tried not to cry
when he said he could stay
like this forever, stay
until he died, until
the hot water got cold.

And, as if in a role-reversal, the narrator in “Goodbye” is the father-like figure, still as caring as he was when a son—now doting on the autistic child of a lover. We know Joshua as the narrator picks him up from school for the last time, as we discover that the relationship which brought the two together has fallen apart, as she is moving with Joshua to Vermont. He wonders:

if he remembers that I moved
down the block, kept visiting him
while everyone I know told me
to let go and move on,
that I didn’t owe him a thing,
and no one seemed to accept
or understand I love Joshua,
that the way he will never fit
in the world reminds me of me
and I wish he was my son,
my eight year old boy.
My, my, mine.

In his introduction, Gloeggler tells us, “I still can’t get through it out loud without my heart starting to move differently, my voice catching and getting shaky.” It is my favorite poem in the compilation. It deserves a rest afterward like a moment of silence just like the silence necessary after the part in Bruce Springsteen’s Highway Patrolman where Sergeant Joe pulls over and watches his brother Frank’s fleeing “taillights disappear” into Canada all the while reflecting on how “nothin’ feels better than blood on blood” and when a “man turns his back on his family well he just ain’t no good.”

A humorous respite is required after something so heavy: something like a Cake song, something like “Stickshifts and Safetybelts.” “One Hit Wonder” and “Mid Life Poetry Crises” will do. In the former, Gloeggler tells us “no one remembers anyone for anything good” and the children of washed up rockers “cover their ears and say ‘Oh Dad no, not again?’” every time fingers are drummed to ancient rock standards. Bleak? Perhaps, but comical, as he ends the poem with “five fat bald guys…hurrying home from work/to meet in somebody’s garage…plugging in amps, picking up drumsticks,/strapping on the bass and guitar…nod” then count off “‘One.’ ‘Two.’ ‘Three.’ ‘Four.’” The poem ends there; how perfect! In “Mid Life Poetry Crises,” Gloeggler rants:

I’m tired of song titles,
retards, autistic kids,
old and new girlfriends,
battered valentines, baseball
metaphors, not getting
laid, subway stations,
working class families,
drunk drivers, dead fathers…

Aren’t these the very things he writes about? I believe a chortle is required. And he goes on “I want to open my mail/to submission requests/from the New Yorker and Poetry…Sell more books/than Billy Collins. And when he dies, the poet continues, “bored, tortured school kids will be forced to recite my poems during National Poetry Month.” Two chortles in one poem!? What fun.

The one thing I struggle with in this book is the vulgarity. It initially turned me off. I was told once by a comedian that vulgarity gets the easy laugh; what is challenging and artful in comedy is eliciting laughter without the crutch of the “F” bomb or crudeness. That has stuck with me. I’m no prude; vulgar words don’t register to my ears in movies or music, but in poetry I demand more. I’ve read that poetry is an attempt to constantly rejuvenate the language—to make it young and virile and exciting. As a poet I scoff at clichés and overused idioms. They mark an inferior poet. What are four-letter words but overused idioms? Yes, I’ve read poems in which vulgarity makes sense (the rules aren’t cut-and-dry here), but I believe it is the rarer instance. Of the 12 poems in the Greatest Hits collection, over half have swearwords or flat-out crude or offensive diction. It doesn’t seem judicious enough to me. Tony Gloeggler is talented, at times brilliant. I expect these tricks, I suppose, but from a mediocre poet, which Gloeggler is not. Of course, if I were him, I’d quote Duvall from True Grit (1969) at me, “I need a good judge!” Or better still, “I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.”

I can’t say that I’ve ever liked a greatest hits collection straight through. It’s been pieced together and is meant to be an overview of a career, rather than a stand-alone body of work. It’s like an amuse bouche at a fine restaurant, meant for whetting an appetite as opposed to satisfying it. Perhaps it is a sound check. Either way, after digesting a best-of album the next right step is a return trip to the record shop to hunt for the tracks you “dug,” only this time on an honest-to-god full-length record. Applying that maxim here, there are four such poems I’d look for: “1969,” “The Last Good Thing,” “Scraping” and “Goodbye.” They were enough to keep me interested in Tony Gloeggler. The chapbook might not be for everyone. It is gristly and bawdy, but so, too, is Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales. My advice comes from Duvall (by this point it’s too late to quote anyone else) as Felix Bush in Get Low: “If you don’t listen, you can’t hear nothing.” And some of Gloeggler’s work is music worth hearing.

____________

James E. Allman, Jr.’s credentials—degrees in biology and business—qualify him for an altogether different trade. However, he easily tires of the dissected and austerely economized. He is a dabbler with an expensive photography-habit and a poetry-dependency. Nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2010, his work appears, or is forthcoming, in The Los Angeles  Review, decomP, Anemone Sidecar and Splash of  Red, amongst others.

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July 13, 2011

Tony Gloeggler

TRADING PLACES OR OUT AMONG
THE MISSING AND LOST

Maybe I was on the D train
methodically making my way
to a Yankee Stadium day game
when some legless beggar rolled
slowly through the car holding
a paper cup in his clenched teeth.
While I wondered if he was faking
like Eddie Murphy in Trading Places
or if his legs were really blown to bits
outside a Vietnam village in 1968,
my friend Dave leaned over, took
a handful of change from his pocket.

I think I thought about India, how
I once heard or read that fathers
would mangle, cut off a limb or two
for added sympathy when their children
were old enough to hit the streets, beg
Americans for money. I couldn’t help
but remember when I was five years old,
a cripple with a heavy iron brace strapped
down my left leg, a Frankenstein boot
on my other foot and everybody stared
at poor poor pitiful embarrassed me
as I shut my eyes, tried to disappear
to a place where no one could find me
and taught myself never to ask
for anything from anyone as that guy
raised his eyes, nodded thanks.

I was hoping Pettitte was pitching
as Dave started talking body parts,
which one he’d least like to lose
in a sudden drunk driving accident
or to some unnamed mysterious disease.
When he swore he’d rather die than lose
his cock, we both laughed as the train
chugged toward the Bronx. I don’t know
if he was afraid of the pain, worried
about the humiliation of pissing through
a thin tube or whether he was already
missing all the women he imagined
one day fucking, carefully calculating
degrees and fractions of how much
less of a man it would make him feel.
I doubt if he was imagining his wife,
pregnant with hopefully his second son
and all the times lying next to her
wishing he could masturbate in peace.

I’d already realized I’d never get to use
my cock as often as I daydreamed
and I was tired of being worn down
by expectations and unfulfilled promise.
A few fantasies had even come true
but still didn’t turn out nearly as good
as I imagined. Besides, I was always
afraid of losing my eyes, my sight
since I stood in the back of first grade
unable to read the eye chart. No,
I couldn’t make out that big black E
no matter how hard or often Sister Carolina
hit it with her pointer as the kids
all laughed louder and later made fun
of my thick framed glasses. Even now
when I sleep, I keep a hallway light on,
worried about crazy nightmares, chased
by slow motion zombies and falling
helplessly into the gaping black holes
of where their eyeballs should be.

Whenever I see a blind person walking
the streets of NYC with their gentle dog
or tapping and sweeping their cane
as they slowly make their way down
subway steps, I want to follow them
everywhere they go, introduce myself
and ask them question after question
in a too loud, silly sing-song tone
about fearlessness and darkness,
what kind of music they like, if
they’ve lost or found God, how
trapped or angry, crazy and lonely
they feel, if they’d like to hang out,
go for a cup of coffee or tea, find
a bar and drink until we sing karaoke,
get into a brawl, puke and pass out.

Me, I’d probably stay in bed, pray
it wasn’t too late to become
an old black Mississippi blues man,
wait for my friends and family
to drop off food and shopping bags
filled with bootleg CDs, listen
to baseball on a tiny transistor radio,
perfect helplessness, wither deeper
into myself and my limited imagination,
miss the things I did, didn’t, and will
never get to do, everything I never
watch carefully enough, the ugliness,
the beauty I turn too quickly away from.
I’d miss everything new and exciting
I somehow might someday stumble upon.

from Rattle #34, Winter 2010
Tribute to Mental Health Workers

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January 24, 2010

Tony Gloeggler

A GOOD BAD DAY

John walks slowly up the stairs
to my office every day. Between
four and four-thirty, after the bus
brings him home from day program
and after he uses the bathroom,
he says, “Oh, hello Tony,” as if
he’s surprised to find me
sitting at my desk. He says
he had a good day, stands
by a chair and after six years
of living at the residence,
his home, he still hesitates,
wonders if he needs permission
to sit down. I don’t give it,
wait until he sits on his own.
He tells me if he read or colored,
exercised or sang today and I ask
questions as if I was his mother.
Maybe he went to a park, a store,
the library. All along he wears
this pleasant, half-smiling,
perfectly balanced, Zen-like gaze
across his Fred Flintstone face
and I don’t know if I’m stressed
or bored, mean or just a smart-ass
acting like we are friends;
but when he asks me about my day
sometimes I tell him the truth.

Uselessly endless meetings, piles
of paperwork, asshole administrators.
Not enough sleep. Girlfriend trouble.
Yesterday, I told him that a woman
I loved is getting married on a boat
in September and I wished
I owned a torpedo. He didn’t say
anything, just sat there smiling
and I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it,
I had to ask him if he ever
had a bad day. When he said no,
none that he could remember,
I said are you sure. He said
I don’t think so and looked like
he was thinking hard. I leaned
forward, said that I felt very sad
when my father died and I wondered
how he felt when his mom and dad
passed away. John jutted out his chin,
looked beyond me and said yeah
that was a bad day. When I asked
if he missed them, he chewed
on his lips, said sometimes,
and I said I know what you mean.

from Rattle #31, Summer 2009

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