Noel Quiñones | Rattle: Poetry

Noel Quiñones

PERMISSION

With lines from “Inside a Suicide Prevention Center in Puerto Rico,” a New York Times documentary

You have my permission to grieve.

If I hear wind, I might think they’re on a balcony

How long have you wanted to hurt yourself?

We all want to escape but there is no map.

If I hear wind, I might think they’re on a balcony

when I say Puerto Rico. I mean an opening in the skin

I want to escape from but there is no map.

This type of call is very common.

When I say Puerto Rico I mean an opening in the skin

where gold turns green under my scalp.

This type of call is very common,

María, like a buzzsaw, shaving off the top of the island

where gold turns green under my scalp.

She says Yo quiero volar. To fly. And she will do it

like a buzzsaw, shaving the top half of the sky.

This is part of the process, I cannot let you go.

Yo quiero volar. To escape. And I will do it

if no one can remember my name.

This is part of the process, I cannot let you go

until you feel like you are suffocating.

If no one can remember my name

it means another Hurricane has come.

I feel like I am suffocating

but sometimes I just can’t find the words

to name another Hurricane.

I sing Despierta Borinqueño, de ese sueño

but sometimes I just can’t recall the words

in 119 syllables.

Despierta Borinqueño, de ese sueño

you have my permission to grieve.

In 119 syllables, tell me

how long have you wanted to hurt yourself?

—from Poets Respond
January 23, 2018

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Noel Quiñones: “In the aftermath of Hurricane María, Puerto Rico has been struggling to rebuild and been denied federal grants to do so. While reporters and news stations have focused on people’s access to food, water, and electricity we are seeing a new crisis develop. The New York Times published a mini documentary entitled ‘Inside a Suicide Prevention Center in Puerto Rico’ at the beginning of January highlighting the mental health crisis now taking hold. As a third generation Puerto Rican, I have never been able to shake the pain of being from a place that is not quite a country and not quite a state. We have always lived in a precarious identity and while many state Hurricane María as the beginning of our traumas, we have suffered since America’s invasion 119 years ago.” (author suggests donating here)