RULES FOR POETRY
Never use adjectives
unless you’re trying to describe something
and you don’t want to do it the hard way.
Never use the word “forever.”
It reminds people they’re going to die
and the last thing you need is people distracted
by their mortality during your poem.
Write what you know
unless you’re a fool, in which case
look to the internet, and write about something there.
and their angry sister
the letter Y.
On the other hand…
Learn the difference between
Use as few words as possible.
In fact, hand out blank sheets of paper
and tell people it’s your finest work.
If you ever use the phrase “darkness in my soul”
be prepared for me to come to your house
and kill you.
If you’re going to write in form, do it right.
For example, as I understand it, a haiku
is eight hundred words written while
sitting on a cheesecake.
Line breaks are important,
but use them carefully. Once you’ve broken a line
its parents will never forgive you.
Finally, go to poetry workshops.
Sometimes they serve food and
you can’t write poetry if you’re dead
because you forgot to eat.
—from Rattle #33, Summer 2010
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