September 9, 2011

Mark Terrill

A POEM FOR PARKING LOTS

We’re pulling into the mostly empty parking lot in back of the pet store in Itzehoe on a gray north-German Wednesday afternoon & over in the corner of the lot is a young man sitting on a curb with a rucksack at his feet drinking a bottle of beer—maybe some homeless guy—or a Polish laborer killing time between odd jobs—but right now just part of the setting & I nose the car into a parking place & out of nowhere you start saying how actually it’s a good thing that we all get old & die & that life eventually comes to an end because as you get older & are faced with the ongoing prospect of your own slow decay & the falling away of friends & loved ones it becomes ever more apparent just what’s actually in store for you & the thought of dying is no longer fraught with fear & grief but something more like a relief & even something you could gradually start to look forward to & as we get out of the car I’m thinking hey wow this is pretty heavy & profound for a quick stop in Itzehoe to pick up a couple of spare reflective collars for the cats but then yeah why not & if not now when? & wasn’t I thinking the very same thing just the other day? & I say yeah everyone needs something to look forward to & as I’m locking the car & turning toward the back entrance of the pet store I hear you saying that’s a nice little piece of property there & I turn to where you’re looking & see this empty lot wedged between the back lots & gardens of the surrounding buildings & houses & the whole lot is totally overgrown with nettles & blackberries & weeds & ivy which is crawling up the trunks of the trees all totally neglected & forlorn & yet it’s also a perfect picture of nature just left on its own & somehow reassuring in its own weird way & not without a certain morbid charm & suddenly I see how it ties in exactly with what you were just saying—although maybe not even intentionally—& then even the guy sitting there waiting on the curb with his Zen-like aplomb seems to be a part of the entire metaphysically charged scenario that I’ve suddenly been thrust into with all these signs & signifiers of time & age & what happens to everyone & everything in the interim & I say yeah it is & we turn & head toward the door of the pet store because it’s autumn now & the days are getting shorter & the cats are running around out there crossing the street in the darkness & besides all this other stuff we’ve still got their safety to think about too.

from Rattle #34, Winter 2010

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Mark Terrill: “I was washing the dishes in the kitchen when this poem suddenly started coming in, like a radio transmission from somewhere else, although it was obviously driven by a memory of the previous day. I quickly dried my hands and sat down at the computer and started typing the words at roughly the same speed they were coming in. A few moments later I had the finished poem, a transcript of sorts, which is basically unaltered. There’s just no substitute for stream-of-consciousness spontaneity, assuming your receiver is on and working.”

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April 13, 2011

Mark Terrill

WAYS IN, WAYS OUT

Hemingway’s looking down the
twin-barrel of the shotgun
into a blue metallic void.

Hart Crane has one foot on deck,
the other over the rail,
his eye on the ship’s boiling wake below.

Sylvia Plath’s on her knees in the kitchen
with her head in the oven,
wondering if she paid the gas bill or not.

Richard Brautigan’s up in Bolinas
with a Saturday-night-special
nudged snugly in his graying temple.

Paul Celan looks down and sees
one last despondent metaphor
in the swirling waters of the Seine.

Lew Welch loads his 30-30 rifle,
heads up into the California hills,
unsure about when he’ll be coming back.

The ways in merge with the ways out,
life’s complexity compounds daily,
and no one’s getting any writing done today.

from Rattle #16, Winter 2001

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October 19, 2009

Mark Terrill

A POEM FOR UNCERTAINTIES

I gave the waitress in the café a fifty & she gave me my change got sidetracked & left the fifty on the counter all alone with me & my conscience & I had to dig so deep down into my frail moral fiber that it hurt & I came back up emboldened with a spontaneous resolution to just do good & motioned toward the fifty & the waitress looked down & shook her head & smiled & picked up the money & put it away & then out on the street I told you what happened that I almost earned us an extra fifty euros which we certainly could have used but instead got caught up in a tangle of virtue & you said that I’d done the right thing & that good things would come my way & I said yeah but you have to take them for the interchange to be complete & we laughed & walked on down the sidewalk & suddenly I saw the whole world as a giant garden of crass uncertainties with a knot where my heart used to be & coffee & beer where the blood used to flow & the wavering contingencies stacked up end to end reaching up past the highest tower of cumulus hovering above the vast city of Hamburg & it scared me but I got brave & went on.

from Rattle #27, Summer 2007

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