Diana M. Raab

THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS

On the scrolls
of the twelve step program
is the assignment for daily affirmations
and mine today

is the decision to be happy,
as I wonder if this
is a conscious decision
within the realm of our abilities.

Whatever happens on our earth,
good or bad, is based on
the quest for happiness.
So why don’t we go after it

like a spear into the back of a whale,
why do we sit back
and weep in sadness.
Is it that the hunt for joy

makes it interesting?
This morning poses
so many questions
and even glances

into the depths of my ocean
do not provide answers.
I want to be happy but
linger in oblivion

as to what brings it on,
and I think back
to my publicist’s question
to reflect upon the previous year

and my happiest moments
as clues to future joys.
While sucking my right thumb
I realize my happiest moments

are when being stroked
and loved and cared for,
as I sit alone and lonely
craving all that is gone.

—from Rattle #36, Winter 2011
Tribute to Buddhist Poets