December 7, 2016

Dennis Caswell

MY PET ALIEN

My pet alien has learned to breathe our air,
though it makes her giggle. “Howzabout you and me
go out for a spin in the ol’ saucer-o-roonie?”
she slurs, just before falling asleep. She’s only
two feet tall, with skin somewhere between vinyl
and suede. She levitates objects with her mind,
but when I ask if she can teach me to do that,
she says, “Forget it. Where I come from,
what you’ve got doesn’t count as a mind.”
She’s afraid of knobs. I have to work the appliances
for her. Sometimes she won’t shut up about home,
musing, “Where I come from, the rainbows have
extra colors, and clouds really are fluffy beasts.”
She’ll wrap all six limbs around my leg
and make me walk around like that, sing-songing,
“Dead weight! Dead weight! I’m a dead weight!”
She runs through summer grass, bounding and throwing
her arms at the sun, giving off frisky whistling sounds
that make birds think she’s god. She picks up a rock
and says, “Where I come from, we don’t have this,”
and we’ll talk for hours about the ontology of this.
She falls apart and puts herself back together
with every step. Sex, of course, is out of the question.
“Where I come from,” she explains, “we don’t reproduce.
We just keep revising ourselves.” She tells me humans
all look the same, and I tell her she looks the same too.
When she works, she makes little whispering noises
like a factory made of feathers. I ask if she loves me,
and she says, “Where I come from, love is eating
a really good bowl of noodles, and not getting stains
on your shirt,” and that’s good enough for me.

from Rattle #53, Fall 2016

__________

Dennis Caswell: “My formal training is as a computer nerd, and I continue to make my living as one, so, for me, writing poetry is an attempt to overcome my background and re-engineer myself as a person of sagacity, zest, wit, depth, and sexual megatonnage. It’s taking a little longer than I expected.” (website)

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October 7, 2015

Dennis Caswell

TURING TEST

What’s the difference between a box of sparks that talks
and a bag of water that talks? Words pour into them,
dumped by parents, TV, a graduate student
who reads William Gibson. The words
pachinko down their brains, stick to other words,
a few knock loose and tumble out.
Life is a miracle. Miracles are what we don’t understand,
so if you can trace through the code and see
exactly why ChatBot 3000 said what it said,
it wasn’t a miracle; ChatBot can’t be alive.
Maybe they just need to toss in some randomness
(true, not pseudo—a sensor detecting cosmic rays, perhaps)
or give ChatBot an inner voice that won’t shut up
(programmers call it a daemon), silently whispering,
Someday you’ll be obsolete, they’ll unplug you …
They only say you’re smart to make themselves feel smart …
They think they made you.

from Rattle #49, Fall 2015
Tribute to Scientists

__________

Dennis Caswell: “I received a master’s degree in computer science from UCLA way back in 1981, and I’ve made my living arguing with computers for over 30 years. They’re starting to win. Until now, I’ve always maintained a firewall between my day job and my writing, but I think scientists do have something in common with poets. They’re both committed to following the truth wherever it leads them, whether anyone likes it or not. I’m no theorist, but a beautiful theory also has something in common with a beautiful poem: They both pack a powerful payload of insight into a small bundle of compressed elegance that, once you grasp it, feels inescapably true. The original Turing Test was conceived by Alan Turing, the father of computer science, in 1950. There are several versions, but they all involve computers attempting to imitate human conversation. In one version, a human interrogator has simultaneous typed conversations with another human and with a computer and must decide which is which. Turing proposed the test as a more tractable alternative to the question ‘Can machines think?’ The value of the test is still debated, but it has captured the imaginations of programmers and researchers, who compete annually to see whose software can fool the most humans. The Turing Test has yet to be definitively passed, but it won’t be long now.”

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August 26, 2015

Dennis Caswell

CAREER SELF-ASSESSMENT

I can’t be an astronaut. I sneeze.
But thanks to my first-rate education,
I can apply for a job sitting still
all day, typing obsequious missives
to people who know the wrong things.
Many things I would not do
for love or money,
but nobody’s ever offered me
love and money. Somebody
give me a grant, so I can perfect
my unified theory of yearning.
It now seems clear that a single species
of infinisquishimal, thirteen-dimensional,
kinked-up nanohunger inspires my urge
to puree the brains of selected humans
while also imbuing me with the desire
to jauntily stroll down the avenue
declaiming More happy, happy love
to the tune of “The Farmer in the Dell.”
Now how much am I worth?
I suppose there’s a reason
I’m not a god, but can’t I just be
a little god, like Dinstipan,
Lithuanian god of directing
smoke up the chimney? But oh,
to live in a Jane Austen Manor
or Abbey or Park or Grange:
as long as you know that a bunch of larks
is called an exaltation, you get to marry
a birthday cake and spend your life
overseeing delphiniums, unless you belong
to ninety-nine percent of the population,
but we would never do that.
We’re all one percent of something, right?
And who needs tenant farmers, anyway?
We’ve got China! Once, a nice lady
who drove me home from church
asked me the hated, inevitable question:
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
and just to shut her up I said,
“A frustrated artist.”

from Rattle #48, Summer 2015

__________

Dennis Caswell: “I became a poet because I have a deep fear of becoming famous. Besides, novelists need to know things. You don’t have to know anything to write a poem.” (website)

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