September 8, 2022

Michael Mark

MY MOTHER’S FREEZER

Again, he climbs the three-step
step stool, pauses to catch his breath,
then folds his five-foot-four
inches over
 
then over and scooches
against the bumpy ice. Stabbing
back some with a screwdriver,
 
he tucks his bluish knees
and brown-socked feet, closes
himself in.
 
A sonogram of the freezer
would reveal a foil-covered cube
of potato kugel, Hanukah 1973
 
written in her hand, a Polaroid
she magic-markered on the back, Catskills,
Summer 1957, two scarves
 
her mother knitted, mummy-wrapped
in foggy cellophane and my dad
curled into a fetal position, the cold
freezing his tears.
 
This last part’s not true.
 
Of course his tears don’t freeze
in her freezer—which she’d swore, “not only
keeps everything as it was, it makes
them even younger”—they roll up
 
into his eyes, glaucoma and cataract-free
again, the years, months, days, clicking backwards
as he talks with her, shivering—touched
where she touched.
 

from Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet
2022 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Michael Mark: “I think of this collection as a family photo album. As my mother’s dementia progresses, each poem is at once a snapshot, a foreshadowing and a memory. And like memories, each is revealing, accurate, and blurry.​” (web)

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May 5, 2022

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose

TRISTESSE

Crying after sex isn’t sexy. She tried not to do it, pressed her face to her pillow
so they wouldn’t see. But it happened. Every. Damned. Time.
 
She wondered if each went home, told his roommates about the girl at the club:
thigh-high boots, leather skirt, how she pulled him out to the dance floor, sweat
 
slick, or slipped her arm through his, led him to the bar, practically drank him
under the table, how at last call she reached into his pocket, found his cigarettes,
 
his keys, asked: Where’s your car? At her place, like something out of a porno,
how she pushed him onto the bed, climbed on top, began bucking and moaning
 
so loud her roommate banged on the door, yelled for her to shut the fuck up,
but she just threw her head back, howling like something hungry and loosed.
 
Then, after all that show, burst into tears.
 
The less experienced ones tried to comfort her, awkwardly patted her arm
while reaching for their pants; the others just made for the door.
 
Later, after she was married, she would hear Oprah call this postcoital tristesse.
Post-sex blues. Like a Crayola shade. Like a Sherwin-Williams palette.
 
But if she was a color,
it was the ring of scum in a draining
sink, the smudge of an overzealous eraser,
water in a vase of rotting stems, the hungry
pit of a disinterested yawn, of skin snagged
in a zipper, the smear of moths
dragged across a windshield,
 
the color of a gate shutting,
a psalm book, closing.
 

from Imago, Dei
2021 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose: “I grew up in the Church, and by that I mean in a fundamentalist, evangelical home where we spent Sunday dinners debating things like the meaning of the Greek word ‘Baptismo,’ whether it meant you had to be fully immersed or whether a sprinkling was sufficient to keep you from the gates of hell. Because Jesus was ‘the word,’ and because I spent so much of my youth analyzing the ‘good word,’ it’s fitting that I wound up pursuing a degree in English and becoming a writer. Ironically, the close-reading skills the church taught me was what ultimately undid my faith. Thank God.​” (web)

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April 7, 2022

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose

HER FATHER TALKS TO HER ABOUT SEX

If your right hand offends, chop it off,
throw it away. Better for you
to lose one part of yourself than
suffer your whole body to burn.

Throw it away. Better for you
to pluck out your eye. If you don’t
suffer, your whole body will burn.
Better to be blind. Better to starve.

Pluck out your eye. If you don’t,
think of Eve, naked and ashamed.
Better to be blind. Better to starve
than be exiled from your Father’s love.

Think of Eve, naked and ashamed.
Think of your runaway sister, forever
exiled from your father’s love.
Think of Delilah. Of Jezebel. Lot’s wife.

Think of your runaway sister, forever.
Think of those girls, opening their legs.
Think of Delilah. Of Jezebel. Lot’s wife.
Cut off your tongue. Cut out your heart.

Think of those girls, opening their legs.
Suffer. Your whole body burns.
Cut off your tongue. Cut out your heart.
Throw it away. Better for you.

from Imago, Dei
2021 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose: “I grew up in the Church, and by that I mean in a fundamentalist, evangelical home where we spent Sunday dinners debating things like the meaning of the Greek word ‘Baptismo,’ whether it meant you had to be fully immersed or whether a sprinkling was sufficient to keep you from the gates of hell. Because Jesus was ‘the word,’ and because I spent so much of my youth analyzing the ‘good word,’ it’s fitting that I wound up pursuing a degree in English and becoming a writer. Ironically, the close-reading skills the church taught me was what ultimately undid my faith. Thank God.​” (web)

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March 10, 2022

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose

HER FATHER CALLS TO EXPLAIN THAT DAUGHTERS AREN’T EASY

Sons are indeed a heritage of the Lord, and the fruit
of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand
of a mighty man; so are sons of the youth. Happy
is the man that hath his quiver full of them …
—Psalm 127:3–5

She was always a disappointment.
Mom said Dad came to the hospital with blue baby sneakers;
on seeing her pink hat through the nursery window,
he trashed them and wept.

Two more girls before Dad got his reward.
It wasn’t easy, he tells her. Three daughters.
It’s Saturday morning. She’s hung over
again, watching her daughters from the kitchen window
as they chase cabbage butterflies across the dew-
glittered grass, tennis rackets swinging, blur
of bodies tumbling into each other

and she’s thinking of the wild swing of Dad’s paddle, 
how he chased her sister down the hall
after she wiggled out from where he had pinned
her across his lap, tulip-pink imprint from the first whack 
already blooming on Leah’s bottom.
He used to say a paddle was less personal;
a hand can get carried away.
But an upcycled cutting board, that’s all business.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. And keeping daughters
from spoiling requires a proactive approach.
After all, an ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure.

It’s like with these moths she’s been battling all summer,
seeding marigold and thyme, tying tissue to poles, draping
pantyhose over crowns. Undeterred, they laid their eggs.
So she tried BT, pungent Neem oil, mixed homemade cocktails
of garlic, pepper, and Dawn.
Somewhere along the way she must have screwed up 
the recipe: too many cups of this, not enough teaspoons of that.
Lord knows she’s never been good at converting
anything, except maybe
marriage into divorce.

Not easy, her father sighs again,
trying to prevent daughters from turning harlots.
He was just trying to do what the Bible taught was right.
But, anyway, none of his prophylactics worked.
Neither his belt nor the paddle, nor later,
as they began to fill out and feel out
their dangerous, endangered bodies,
his other tactics:
the picture Bible with its throng of dogs
licking Jezebel’s blood, the banned
Cyndi Lauper gloves, forbidden
Daytime soaps, post-date interrogations,
calling them Whore so they could try
on the shame ahead of time.
Still both her sisters got pregnant at nineteen.
For her part, she just spent her twenties letting
lots of men fuck her and her thirties married
to a man who mistook her flailing arms
for worship.

Under the maple, her oldest swats a flicker 
of white to the ground, stomps on it.
Through the window she gives her the thumbs-up,
has promised them a quarter a kill. Later,
while they’re napping, she’ll crouch
over her broccoli, one by one pluck plump
larval bodies from their leafy cradles,
drop and drown them in soapy water.
Sorry, she will say as they sink,
but you’re destroying my garden.
She supposes that’s how God felt when Eve ate
his apple. How her Dad felt raising daughters.
Now, they have settled into whatever this is.
Across the distance, he is collecting himself as he does,
picking up his conscience like a coat draped across a barstool.
He tells her before hanging up,
I must have done something right.
Look how you turned out.

from Imago, Dei
2021 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose: “I grew up in the Church, and by that I mean in a fundamentalist, evangelical home where we spent Sunday dinners debating things like the meaning of the Greek word ‘Baptismo,’ whether it meant you had to be fully immersed or whether a sprinkling was sufficient to keep you from the gates of hell. Because Jesus was ‘the word,’ and because I spent so much of my youth analyzing the ‘good word,’ it’s fitting that I wound up pursuing a degree in English and becoming a writer. Ironically, the close-reading skills the church taught me was what ultimately undid my faith. Thank God.​” (web)

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November 4, 2021

Gil Arzola

SOTO

Old Mexican Soto was born with a gift for staying poor. At the end of every day he would be two hundred feet behind me in the mint fields where we worked with thirty others pulling weeds. It was 1965 and weeding was a job for Mexicans and hillbillies who arrived every morning in a discarded school bus that was too old for hauling the hopes of schoolchildren but capable enough to take us from field to endless field. Mexican women wearing straw hats gossiped—young men whose youth still covered them like the sweat on their backs—dreamt. Every morning, as if no bird could begin its singing, as if no sun would rise without us, we began together. When the clouds were still low and when the sun had just begun to melt the dew, we grabbed our hoes and picked a row as silently as sinners choosing a pew. Minding our chores and minding our own business, we dispatched the weeds and volunteers like unwelcomed guests. Always beginning together, by ten o’clock Old Mexican Soto was only a shadow behind me. When I turned, he was something brown against the green mint, and his hair was as black as the dirt between rows. Sometimes he’d stand and pull a red handkerchief from his back pocket, and with great ceremony he’d wipe his brow like he was erasing mistakes from a chalkboard. The handkerchief the only part of him colored bright. The rest was brown and shades of that. Soto was round like a barrel, his brown skin worn like old leather, his chin coming to a point at the bottom of his long face. That’s all I remember. Two hundred feet behind me Old Mexican Soto was still in the fields when I left. Born with a gift for staying poor and dreaming of payday Fridays, cold beer and quitting time, he stayed.

from The Death of a Migrant Worker
2021 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Gil Arzola: “The Death of a Migrant Worker is a gift and monument of words to my parents. It is a way of saying ‘these people passed through this way’ and here’s what they did.”

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October 7, 2021

Gil Arzola

CHILDHOOD HOMES

Where the bushes are now a house once was.
See there—where branches are twisted together like skinny
arms hugging air? You’d think it was one thing instead of two
until you look closer and follow to its roots.
Right there—where the branches
are highest there was a window and
a boy looking out.

My life is passing. The snow melts.
In another day it will become water and disappear
into the ground.
Over there—across the field you can count
one, two, maybe three trees I used to climb.
Walk there—
And you can ask each blade of grass on the way
to tell you my name.

from The Death of a Migrant Worker
2021 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Gil Arzola: “The Death of a Migrant Worker is a gift and monument of words to my parents. It is a way of saying ‘these people passed through this way’ and here’s what they did.”

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September 2, 2021

Gil Arzola

THE DEATH OF A MIGRANT WORKER

My father died in the bathtub, his head
banging against the stainless-steel handles.
The blood from his head—useless now—poured out,
slow as thick soup.

It was no concern of his.
His life had ended before any of that.

The blood, he didn’t need anymore, was the only thing moving; the rest of him—
arms that had worked a thousand fields,
held his babies and hauled buckets of coal for the stove.
His hands calloused, that had tried to mend unfixable things,
and one leg crooked from a break
that never healed right …
all of it motionless now.
Dead before he hit anything.

My father died in mid-air like a bird
shot out of the sky, like a hawk circling then
disappearing beyond a horizon, falling—
somewhere out of my reach.

from The Death of a Migrant Worker
2021 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner

__________

Gil Arzola: “The Death of a Migrant Worker is a gift and monument of words to my parents. It is a way of saying ‘these people passed through this way’ and here’s what they did.”

 

Gil Arzola is the guest on Rattlecast 109. Join us live at 8pm EDT …

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