“Life Before the Internet” by Craig Kurtz

Craig Kurtz


Life before the internet
was quite a bore, let’s not forget;
you’d talk about the weather and
assume that boredom’s what God planned;
there really wasn’t much to do
besides farming and hear cows moo;
now, certes, there was beer to drink
and lutes to strum, at least I think;
at night you could always make love
and hope kids you’re enamored of;
but mainly it was lots of toil
except those assholes born royal;
now, life before the internet
was, ‘neighbor, is the mail here yet?’;
but then, most people couldn’t read—
without Facebook, what was the need?
The days were long, the nights were cold
and porridge, friend, was nine days old;
the holidays were poorly run
since churches made sure they weren’t fun;
you’d ask your buddies what was new—
quotha, ‘there’s a war to go to’;
there wasn’t much but next of kin
unless you’d survive the famine;
there were plague houses everywhere
and shortages of underwear;
ye tweeted not, nor instagrammed,
ye went to sermons, or be damned;
the middle ages were a bore—
just google it if you’re not sure;
yes, life before the internet
was lame, just like tonight’s sunset;
thank goodness we’re all more advanced
and staring at cartoons, entranced.

from Rattle #64, Summer 2019


Craig Kurtz: “I write poetry for the same reason Alexander Pope did: ‘I nod in company, I wake at night / fools rush into my head, and so I write.’ It’s exorcism.” (web)

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