I’M DRINKING IN BED
And also in my uterus, I’m drinking,
no, really, drinking and thinking of you,
unborn non-baby. Non-event. Would-be
abortion. You’re in my womb in that
same way that some quantum theorist’s
cat is dead or like maybe not. Please,
stop drowning in my beer, stop inhaling
all my whiskey-cokes, it only makes
the whole thing so much less appealing.
It makes me think that your not-to-be
father should be the one drinking less.
And don’t you know condoms dissolve
in white wine, or is that Vaseline? So many
things don’t work as lube. So many babies
have worse brains, but hey: if you were my kid,
your brain could never get more holey
than mine, and we’d call that consolation,
because we wouldn’t know any other words.
February 7, 2016
Cade Leebron: “I was pretty angry about the CDC declaring that sexually active women should abstain from drinking unless we’re on birth control, especially since I’m taking a break from my birth control pill to see how that affects my multiple sclerosis symptoms. (Thus far, it’s been surprisingly great, in case anyone was wondering.) I think women’s health is so tightly regulated and fiercely debated (by old white men, of course) already, and I don’t welcome more scolding and judging and squeezing of our lives.” (website)